Today, on Eating With Eli, I will show you how to make a delicious breakfast with minimal help from your parents.
First, you get your Mom to chop some bell peppers and mushrooms (no, we're not making pancakes - and yes, I know I said minimal help, but when you are too little to use a knife, you don't have a lot of options at this stage of the process.) Then you have your Mom get a pan and turn on the stove, blah-blah... this part is very boring so I have not included any pictures.
After you have stirred the veggies in the pan for a while, and have tried to put some salt in (but missed), have your Mom crack some eggs into a bowl. While she is doing this, be sure to point to where in the bowl she should put each egg.
After all the eggs are in the bowl, you should add some milk.
Then get one of those wire whisker thingies and mix it all together.
Then you will need to add the eggs to the pan! (You should probabaly have your Mom help you...)
Now stir the everything around.
Look at you! You're cooking! You're really cooking!
Now have your Dad grate some cheese. (Baby fingers can be completely seared off by cheese graters, so have a parent do this. Also, it is a well known fact that Dads are better cheese graters than Moms. At least that's what Mom says...)
When the cheese is grated, add it to the eggs and stir it in.
If you are like me, and you REALLY like cheese, go ahead and eat some.
I'm sure you know which team I supported in this year's Super Bowl. Yep - the Giants! You know Eli Manning is named after me, right?
Anyway, I had my Mom make me a custom Giant's jersey with Eli's number.
Here I am, all ready for kick off
There were a couple of calls where I was frustrated at the way things were going down, and since I am unable to clearly articulate my distress, I chose to pull my pants around my ankles in protest.
That 12-men-on-the-field-after-the-punt nonsense made me kinda mad...
But I knew Eli wouldn't let me down! Here's my victory dance after that last minute touchdown!
Today we got a bunch of snow, and so church was cancelled. My Dad and Uncle Jordan and I decided to make a snowman!
His name is Darrell and he is a bear hunter and he likes diet Coke.
We were going to make a snow-bear for Darrell to shoot, but we decided instead that I should practice walking in the deep snow in my big boots and snow pants.
I made a snow angel!
You really can't see it very well - it's hard to take a picture of snow...
My Dad taught me how to throw snowballs! (But not to make them- that's the tricky part)
Then he and my Uncle Jordan had a violent snow fight, and I had to prevail upon them to make peace.
Fortunately it worked!
Last but not least, here is a video of my Uncle Jordan doing a cool snow trick.
Today my Mom made me a flannel blanket. It is awesome! I can take it hunting!
I know it's really hard to see, but that is not just a picture of a couch. I am towards the right side, but it's really hard to tell with all the camo. My blanket is nice and cozy for watching Veggie Tales.
After dinner, I decided we should make brownies. So we did. My mom says I shouldn't lick the spoon, because if I do, someone will tell me that I'm getting salmonella. I have no choice, though - how else am I supposed to keep my eyes this brown?
After making brownies, I washed the dishes.
Okay - I didn't really wash the dishes. I splashed a lot though, which did nothing at all about the batter on my face, and so inevitably, it became....
BATH TIME!
That is my favorite bath book. Real men like me need to have literature in the bathroom, or so I've heard. My Mom tries to tell me that most men don't want to read in the bathtub, but really where ELSE would people read in the bathroom? Honestly...
Have you noticed that everybody and their duck are doing some kind of year end countdown? Top 100 songs of 2007, top 10 underwear commercials of 2007, top ten embarrassing bovine moments of 2007... you get the idea. Well, I have never been one to jump on the bandwagon, but I know I can do a way awesomer countdown than anyone else, and it will be more interesting, too - since it's about me!
WELCOME TO: Eli's top 10 things that happened to Eli in 2007
#10 MY FIRST HOSPITAL VISIT
Okay, so technically being born was my first hospital visit, but that involved zero blood, so this is my first bloody, gory hospital visit. It was September 19, 2007. I was playing innocently in the garage, when suddenly out of nowhere, the shovel decided it didn't like that I was cuter than it, and brutally attacked me. 5 stitched later, I decided I would make that shovel pay. And it has. Unfortunately, the gruesome details of the demise of that particular shovel are too disturbing to go into on a family oriented website like this. But I'll tell you this- it was quite gratifying!
Before stitches
After stitches
I have a scar now, but that's okay. Chicks dig them.
#9 UNCLE TODD'S GRADUATION
This was a double first for me - my first graduation, AND my first trip to California. No, I didn't see any celebrities while I was there, but I did meet a lot of ugly girls who thought they were supermodels. My Uncle Todd called them "Menlo chicks". Weird. I actually witnessed these two girls running towards each other after the graduation ceremony and they got so into it that they crashed into each other REALLY hard and had to be carried away by various family members. It was awesome. Unfortunately I did not get a picture.
Don't you think they should use this picture on the front cover of the commencement program from this day forth? Uncle Todd, send a memo to whoever is in charge of that.
There's MY Uncle. THE valedictorian. I am SO proud!
#8 MY FIRST PAIR OF SHOES
Sometime around April of 2007, my parents decided that I should start wearing shoes. I had a rather strong opposition to this at the time, for I did not recognize shoes as the godsend that I now know them to be. For that reason, there are no pictures of me in my first pair of shoes. They were white and blue with Thomas the Train on them.
#7 MY FIRST ENDANGERED SPECIES HUNTING EXPERIENCE
Okay, so farm raised bison are not technically endangered, but I didn't know that when I started this countdown, and it sounds so much cooler that way.
#6 MY FIRST FISHING TRIP
What better prey to stalk on your very first fishing trip than the king of all fishies? No. Not dolphins! Dolphins aren't fish! I speak of course of steelhead trout. Just me and my dad, and my grandpa, and my uncle Roger. Big men, bravely setting out in the noble pursuit of big fish. And I was only 9 months old!
This adventure reminds me of an epic poem, the author of which has been forgotten in the passing of the ages. *ahem*
Fishy, fishy, in the brook! Daddy catch it with a hook, Mommy cook it in a pan, Baby eat it like a man.
It brings a tear to my eye... Here is me with my Grandpa and all the fish we caught.
#5 MY FIRST VISIT TO YELLOWSTONE PARK
Why can't you shoot the animals at Yellowstone? They are RIGHT THERE! I had my gun with me in the backseat, but it is a toy gun, and so quite ineffective. I did have fun at Old Faithful though.
Mom's sunglasses have never quite been the same...
#4 I GOT MY OWN ROOM
Surely you must be thinking "Eli! How can you have NOT had your own room before? You are an only child! Who could you possibly shared a room with?" I'll tell you who! I shared my bedroom with the computer, and the washer and dryer, and the food storage, and all the other storage. It was impossible to have privacy, and very difficult to sleep with all the noise coming from the canned beans. Musical fruit indeed... Anyway, my new room is very nice. It is blue. And Uncle Todd is jealous, because it is bigger than his room. Neiner neiner!
#3 MY FIRST HUNTING TRIP
In 2007 I went hunting for the first time! My Mom and Dad both shot an elk. There's my mom's elk in the 4 wheeler trailer, and my dad's elk is in the back of that truck- but you can't see it in this picture. Sorry!
The awesomest part of the whole thing was that we went camping for a week, and got to sleep outside in October, and I didn't have to take a bath!
#2 TURNING ONE
I had my first birthday in 2007! It was pretty cool.
Especially the presents!
And the cake!
At last, the moment we have all been waiting for! Eli's number one thing that happened to Eli in 2007!
#1 LEARNING TO WALK
Is there any comparison? All those other things were pretty cool, but going from limited mobility to being able to walk and run away from my Mom is by far the coolest.
I can only hope 2008 has as many awesome events as 2007! Isn't this the coolest countdown ever?
