Eli's Best of 2007

Have you noticed that everybody and their duck are doing some kind of year end countdown? Top 100 songs of 2007, top 10 underwear commercials of 2007, top ten embarrassing bovine moments of 2007... you get the idea. Well, I have never been one to jump on the bandwagon, but I know I can do a way awesomer countdown than anyone else, and it will be more interesting, too - since it's about me!

WELCOME TO: Eli's top 10 things that happened to Eli in 2007

#10 MY FIRST HOSPITAL VISIT

Okay, so technically being born was my first hospital visit, but that involved zero blood, so this is my first bloody, gory hospital visit. It was September 19, 2007. I was playing innocently in the garage, when suddenly out of nowhere, the shovel decided it didn't like that I was cuter than it, and brutally attacked me. 5 stitched later, I decided I would make that shovel pay. And it has. Unfortunately, the gruesome details of the demise of that particular shovel are too disturbing to go into on a family oriented website like this. But I'll tell you this- it was quite gratifying!

Before stitches



After stitches



I have a scar now, but that's okay. Chicks dig them.

#9 UNCLE TODD'S GRADUATION

This was a double first for me - my first graduation, AND my first trip to California. No, I didn't see any celebrities while I was there, but I did meet a lot of ugly girls who thought they were supermodels. My Uncle Todd called them "Menlo chicks". Weird. I actually witnessed these two girls running towards each other after the graduation ceremony and they got so into it that they crashed into each other REALLY hard and had to be carried away by various family members. It was awesome. Unfortunately I did not get a picture.

Don't you think they should use this picture on the front cover of the commencement program from this day forth? Uncle Todd, send a memo to whoever is in charge of that.



There's MY Uncle. THE valedictorian. I am SO proud!



#8 MY FIRST PAIR OF SHOES

Sometime around April of 2007, my parents decided that I should start wearing shoes. I had a rather strong opposition to this at the time, for I did not recognize shoes as the godsend that I now know them to be. For that reason, there are no pictures of me in my first pair of shoes. They were white and blue with Thomas the Train on them.

#7 MY FIRST ENDANGERED SPECIES HUNTING EXPERIENCE

Okay, so farm raised bison are not technically endangered, but I didn't know that when I started this countdown, and it sounds so much cooler that way.



#6 MY FIRST FISHING TRIP

What better prey to stalk on your very first fishing trip than the king of all fishies? No. Not dolphins! Dolphins aren't fish! I speak of course of steelhead trout. Just me and my dad, and my grandpa, and my uncle Roger. Big men, bravely setting out in the noble pursuit of big fish. And I was only 9 months old!



This adventure reminds me of an epic poem, the author of which has been forgotten in the passing of the ages. *ahem*

Fishy, fishy, in the brook!
Daddy catch it with a hook,
Mommy cook it in a pan,
Baby eat it like a man.

It brings a tear to my eye... Here is me with my Grandpa and all the fish we caught.



#5 MY FIRST VISIT TO YELLOWSTONE PARK



Why can't you shoot the animals at Yellowstone? They are RIGHT THERE! I had my gun with me in the backseat, but it is a toy gun, and so quite ineffective. I did have fun at Old Faithful though.



Mom's sunglasses have never quite been the same...

#4 I GOT MY OWN ROOM

Surely you must be thinking "Eli! How can you have NOT had your own room before? You are an only child! Who could you possibly shared a room with?" I'll tell you who! I shared my bedroom with the computer, and the washer and dryer, and the food storage, and all the other storage. It was impossible to have privacy, and very difficult to sleep with all the noise coming from the canned beans. Musical fruit indeed... Anyway, my new room is very nice. It is blue. And Uncle Todd is jealous, because it is bigger than his room. Neiner neiner!



#3 MY FIRST HUNTING TRIP

In 2007 I went hunting for the first time! My Mom and Dad both shot an elk. There's my mom's elk in the 4 wheeler trailer, and my dad's elk is in the back of that truck- but you can't see it in this picture. Sorry!



The awesomest part of the whole thing was that we went camping for a week, and got to sleep outside in October, and I didn't have to take a bath!

#2 TURNING ONE

I had my first birthday in 2007! It was pretty cool.

Especially the presents!



And the cake!



At last, the moment we have all been waiting for! Eli's number one thing that happened to Eli in 2007!

#1 LEARNING TO WALK

Is there any comparison? All those other things were pretty cool, but going from limited mobility to being able to walk and run away from my Mom is by far the coolest.



I can only hope 2008 has as many awesome events as 2007! Isn't this the coolest countdown ever?

E Out

Do you have Christmas in Idaho? CHRIS-MUS!!!

Did you know there is a day every year where you get lots of presents and it's not your birthday? There is! It's called Christmas, and for me, Christmas happened last week. I got up in the morning, like I do everyday, but instead of eating my peanut butter and cottage cheese high protein breakfast, I was whisked into the living room, where it was obvious vandals had been present. They left a ton of stuff under our tree. Turns out, it wasn't vandals. It was Mom and Dad pretending to be Santa Claus! And I got presents!!!

On Christmas Eve, all of my Dad's family came over and gave me presents early. I got a truck!



I hear that Christmas is more about giving than it is receiving, so for Christmas, I gave my cousin Dillon a cowboy hat and a horse, and he is so nice that he let me try them out!



On Christmas morning, I got a book from my Tutu. Mom doesn't like it much, since it is really long, and my attention span for long books isn't fabulous...



My mom and dad got me a really cool tool set (I have already misplaced the drill...)



They also got me a stuffed kitty so my stuffed puppy will have a friend. Here is a video of me and my kitty



They also got me a real 4 wheeler! It is a green Kawasaki and it is really awesome! I was so excited when they gave it to me, I had to ride it right away! (Sorry about that, kitty...)



Here is a sweet video of me playing on my 4 wheeler.



Cool hat, huh? Here is a video of me doing some sweet tricks on my 4 wheeler.



Have I got mad skills, or what!? I can't wait for the snow to be gone so I can take my wheeler on some sweet jumps!

E Out

Buffalo boy, won't you come out tonight?

Last week, I went with my Mom and Dad and Uncle Scott to shoot a buffalo. Uncle Scott actually shot it, but only because I forgot my gun. Here is a picture of me and Uncle Scott with the buffalo.



I was surprised by how big the buffalo was! It's head outweighed me by 20 pounds!

Here is a picture of the buffalo next to my Dad, just so you can see how big it is!



Here is a picture of my Mom doing the squaw work.



She is fleshing the buffalo hide to tan it. I guess when she's done tanning it, she has to chew on it to make it soft and pliable. She might have been kidding about that though...

My Dad says he's going to use part of the hide and make me a fuzzy hat. I'm pretty excited about that, (imagine what it would be like to have a fuzzy head!) I'll be sure to post a pic on here when he does.

E Out!

Santa Lady

So you recall my telling you about the tree my Mom put in the living room? There are more holiday related hijinks taking place.

My Mom and Dad took me to story time today at the library, and instead of an hour of songs and stories, we were visited by a very strange person. I've heard of Santa Claus from Dillon, and he told me that Santa is very scary, and whatever you do, don't sit on his lap! Maybe if you sit on his lap he will eat you or something like that.

Anyway, I met Santa today, and something was not quite right. "He" had on more eyeliner than you would expect from an old dude who hangs out with reindeer... Also, I'm reasonably sure that "his" beard and white hair were fake, since there was a long blond ponytail sticking out the back. One more thing - isn't Santa supposed to be on the chubby side? This Santa must either be on meth or Atkins, cause there was not a whole lot of padding on the "guy".

Anyhow, I met Santa, and he gave me a book.

I didn't sit on his lap though. Just in case...



E Out

Boyz in the Tub

My cousin Dillon and I have started doing a lot of stuff together. Some of it seems like weird stuff for two dudes to do, but my Mom assures me that since we're cousins and toddlers, it is really okay. Some of it seems pretty weird though. For example, kissing



You can tell in that picture I am embarrassed that my Mom is right there with the camera... Moms...

Okay- this next one is totally not my doing. Dillon was at my house the other day around my bedtime, and he wandered in while I was having my bath. Next thing you know, he's decided that my bath toys are too awesome to resist, and he jumped in with me.



He was duly impressed with my bubble mohawk



and he taught me some slightly more advanced splashing techniques than I had previously used. (Mom is ticked about that one!)



I short, a good time was had by all, and we got extremely clean, too.

Today Dillon came over, and we played dress up. He dressed up like a girl with two pig tails, and I dressed up like an old man.



Awesome huh?!



E Out

A Doctor a day makes Eli not want to play!

I had my 18 month checkup today. You guessed it! I have hepatitis! Just kidding- I got a hepatitis shot though, so I might have hepatitis somewhere, I'll have to ask my Tutu exactly how that works. Since my last checkup 3 months ago, I have gained 2 ounces and 2 inches! Hooray for growing! I am 2'9" and weigh 23.5 pounds. The turkey my Mom bought for Thanksgiving was bigger than I am! Good grief!

Maybe I am willing myself to grow tall instead of round, so I can reach my Dad's miter saw... I'll bet that's it.

Here is a picture of me today, in all my skinny glory



That is my Christmas tree that is in my house. When Mom first said we were going to put a tree in the living room, I thought she was kidding, but apparently that is what they do in whacked out places like Moreland Idaho. Crazy redneck traditions! Next thing you know we'll hang our socks over the fireplace and stuff them with candy. Hey, that's actually a pretty creative idea, I think I'll suggest it to my Mom.

Hey Mom!?!

E Out

Thanksgiving Ridiculousness

A bunch of my Aunties and Uncles were here for Thanksgiving this past week, and the silliness was palpable. To begin with, my Auntie Kim decided that I would look cute with my hair styled in a girlish fashion. I was bribed in compliance with the promise of peanut butter creme pie, and here is the end result



As soon as my dad saw this, he pulled the elastic out and handed me a screwdriver, so as to prove that I am really actually quite masculine.

Later in the week, my Auntie Bonnie (in the above picture with my Auntie Kim) decided I would look cute with eye shadow on. Fortunatly, no pictures of this event have survived. When dad saw that, he immediately dressed me up as a lumberjack. I didn't even have to be bribed with pie for this event; Auntie Bonnie is so cute, I might have to beat up Uncle Todd so I can date her. Of course, there is the 22 year age difference... Also the fact that she's taller than me, and I don't like to date tall women. Also the fact remains that Uncle Todd can kick my butt... All well, I guess he can keep her...

E Out

Duck, Duck, Duck, ELI!

My Mom and Dad took me to the park last week, and I fed the ducks and the geese!

Here is me feeding a goose. Silly goose!



Here is me teasing a goose. She wanted the bread I had, but I psyched her out!



Here is me feeding the ducks and geese from the top of a picnic table because the they got mad at me for teasing them, and tried to eat my fingers.



I don't know about you, but I did NOT see that one coming... fortunately my mom has a mean right hook. I guess birdies have a poopie sense of humor. Who knew?

E Out

Cousins And Other Such Nonsense

I have two cousins.

One is a boy. His name is Dillon, and he is fun to play with. We both like trucks and mud, and since he is bigger than me, he can reach stuff I want off the counters. We're good buddies. Here is a picture of me and him.



See how cool he is? Even though he's bigger, he still let me drive! What a guy!

I also have a girl cousin. Her name is Breanna. She wears a lot of pink. Her room has butterflies in it. Weird... Here is a picture of her and me.



As you can see, I was afraid of getting cootie-itis, but Mom explained to me that there is no such thing, and we get along fine now.

Here is a picture of all of us cousins with my Uncle Scott.



We are awesome huh?

Now the reason I am posting about my cousins, is that both of them are getting new babies at their house in the spring, and I think it is high time I got one, too. Just think, Mom and Dad - if I have a baby brother, I will be able to teach him how to spit, and all about trucks! If I have a baby sister... uh... I'm not really sure what that would be like, but I'll bet it wouldn't be BAD... After all, can there possibly be a downside to having more than one baby like me? ...




Really!

E Out

Home Improvement, Eli Style

My Dad and Mom bought a new house, and have since been drawing on me for creative ideas for remodeling and slave labor in implementing those ideas. I guess I shouldn't complain too much. At least the time I was forced to paint the dining room,



my dad helped.





It looked pretty good, if I say so myself...




And then there was the "drawer incident". Mom asked me to strip down and refinish the kitchen drawers, but I had had enough!



I goofed off instead, and since then Mom and Dad have stopped making me work on the house. That WAS cool, until Mom started wallpapering the bathroom with postage stamps. It looks so fun! What other time in my life will I have a chance to stick a billion stamps on a wall!? Maybe when I have my own house...

E Out

Grammar Can Be Glamorous, And Words Can Mean A Lot!

I like words. I don't know a lot of words, but the ones I know are pretty awesome, and I like to say them. Here are just a few : shoes, outside, dad, juice, dog, no, uh-oh, whoa! Here is a video I have written and directed of me making some animal sounds. Enjoy!



That was totally awesome, huh?! My mom's acting stinks though, and no amount of passionate directing can help. All well, you can't have your diaper and poop it too... Here is another video of me playing with my 4-wheeler. My mom kind of snuck up on me and I didn't know the camera was on.



That kiss is for you Tutu! I got your post, and I'll come and see you in Hawaii as soon as my momma brings me. I'm not so sure about that flying business, but I have eaten sand before, and there is nothing better!

I have been informed that there are a bunch of people who are somehow related to me coming to our house to eat Turkey in a few weeks. I'm not a fan of turkey, but I do like pie, and if some of my aunties come, I'll bet I can do the doe-eyed thingy I am so good at and convince them to give me extra. Hee-hee...

Well, I must once again say farewell. Mom is mad at me for spilling water on the not-yet-24-hours-old-carpet, so I'd best be acting adorable to get back in her good graces!

E Out.

Bad Heer Day

My mom tells me that my hair is a force to be reckoned with. I have had 6 haircuts in my 18 month life. She has vowed to never cut it again so I can be like that John the Baptist guy. That sounds like a semi-crazy idea, but whatever. It's been like 4 months, and things are starting to get a little out of control mane-wise.

Here is a picture of me after my first haircut.



Pretty bad huh? Yeah- my momma did it herself. I was 4 months old, and not exactly able to make fashion decisions of my own.

Here is my 4th haircut



Also a homemade chop job. I was a little wiser to how silly I looked, and made up for it by getting creative with my head coverings...







Needless to say, it has been very nice to not have to hide my head in shame for the last while, but here is what my hair looks like today




Force to be reckoned with? I don't know about that, but I do look like a tiny, brunette, non-annoying version of Carrot Top, with a penchant for velour sweatsuits. So here is my dilemma: Do I ask my mom to cut my hair, and suffer the shame of having to hide from all other toddlers? -or- do I ask my mom to cut my hair and hide my shame using the collection of colanders I have stolen and hidden under my crib? -or- do I my hair alone, buy a hair straightener and look like Fabio instead of a freak? *sigh* Toddler hood is full of difficult choices. Like the time I had to decide whether to play in the mud or eat it. That is a story for another day, though. It is dinner time!

E Out

Eli starts a blog

My tutu was bugging my momma about not sending enough pictures of my adora-baby self, and so my momma decided to make a page that she can neglect to post pictures to it, instead. My name is Eli. I'm a toddler.

May 18, 2006 7:46 pm

Eli Hunter Heer (yours truly) is born. Mom declines the drugs, and after the experience, vows to have the rest of her children at home in the bathtub. Here are some pictures of me when I was two minutes old. My mouth is not normally that big. Also, my mom is not normally that puffy. My dad is always that manly and handsome though.







That obviously was almost 18 months ago. I am now a big boy, and therefore much less of a baby. I like loud engines, tools, kitty-cats, and my shoes. Shoes is also my favorite word. Say it with me! Shoes, Shoes Shoes!

I recently had time to reflect on my former life as a baby, and it inspired me to compose a song. (To the tune of "It's Not Easy Being Green" by Kermit the Frog)

*ahem*

It's not that easy being a baby




Having to be completely dependent on grownups for everything

And I think it would be nicer, to be a big boy, or a dinosaur, or my dad,



or something totally cool like that.


It's not that easy being a baby



Babies are tiny, and kind of insignificant



And people tend to pass you over



Cause you're 2' 3", and wear a diaper, and you can't even talk!



But I guess a baby's life is pretty easy



And babies don't have any responsibilities



And babies can sleep when they want to,



And they eat real gross smashed up food, like carrots and peas...



If a baby is all there is to be,



It could make you whine and cry,




But why whine and cry, Whiner?

I was a baby, and it's fine. I got over it, and now I'm a big kid, and that's what I'd like to be....





Okay, my mom has thoroughly embarrassed me with the selection of pics. Thanks Mom. I'm going to bed now.

E out.